Many people ask, "Can I trust you?" — but if you look honestly, the deeper struggle is usually: can I trust myself? And that trust is won or lost in very ordinary moments.
You are watching yourself
You tell yourself, "I really need to do the dishes. I'll do the laundry tomorrow." Then you don't. You observed that. Part of you concludes: this person says things and doesn't do them. Next time a problem comes up, you cannot reassure yourself, because you do not believe your own word. Anxiety rushes in to fill the gap.
Then it spreads. If you cannot trust your own word, other people's words sound unreliable too. You worry about their laundry, their promise, their follow-through — because inconsistency is what you know from the inside.
I know this from my own kitchen. I have felt disgusted with myself over dishes left undone — not because dishes are sacred, but because I was not practicing what I teach. The bad feeling was information: my word and my actions were out of alignment.
One word, not two
Here is the dualism inside a broken promise: the word you spoke says one thing, the life you live says the opposite, and you are split between them. Keeping your word is not self-improvement advice. It is closing the gap between word and act until they are one thing again.
Alignment feels like peace
The remedy is not a grand vow. Grand vows are just bigger words to break. The remedy is to shrink the promise until it is trustworthy, then keep it. Say it, mean it, do it. Each kept word stitches the fragmented self back together: what you say, what you intend, and what you do become one thing. That is alignment, and it is the ground trust grows from — trust in yourself, and then in others.
In my own words
Key lines from Wake Me Up and NLP vs Authenticity, lightly punctuated from the transcript so they read as I spoke them:
“A lot of people struggle with trust. ‘Can I trust you?’ But almost all the time that person is struggling to trust themselves. Why are they struggling to trust themselves? Because they’re inconsistent with themselves.”
“And you stop trusting yourself. And now next time something comes up, you can’t even tell yourself that you’re going to take care of it and trust it.”
“You can’t trust words because you can’t trust your own word.”
“So keep your word. Be intentional when you speak a word and keep it and align. And this will align your being.”
“I felt kind of disgusted with myself yesterday because I still hadn’t caught up fully on the dishes. … I was not practicing my own lessons. … When you don’t follow through, you start to feel bad.”
One small practice
Speak one tiny promise out loud, in exact words — so small it is almost funny. "I will wash this one cup." Notice that your inner voice hears those words as a fact about who is speaking. Then do precisely what the words said, soon. Word and act, one. Tomorrow, one more. You are repairing the word trust from the inside.
← Step 2: Judgment is in the word Next: Step 4 — Speak yourself into existence →
A gentle note: this guide shares my experience and is not medical or mental-health advice. If you are struggling, please reach out to a trusted person or professional in your life.