The most powerful class I ever took was Linguistics 101. We spent weeks on early childhood: how a child learns language, and what is lost when a child never does. Without language, a person cannot build the inner model of the world the rest of us take for granted — sequence, story, plans, meaning. Language is that fundamental to being human.
Your voice creates your reality. Sit with that. You cannot think about the ways it is true too much.
Words build a model — then stand in front of it
There is a saying: the first time you teach a child the word cardinal is the last time they truly see the cardinal. After that, they see the label. They reach for the reference image in their mind instead of meeting this one living bird, here, now.
We all work this way. Words let us model the world so we can move through it — and the same words become a filter. Every experience passes through this word-engine and comes out narrower: a story, with judgments and emotions attached. When we can only see a narrow slice, we miss options and opportunities, and it can feel like we are trapped. Often we are not trapped. Our perspective is limited, and what limits it is, in large part, words.
A word cuts the world in two
Notice what a word does before it “means” anything. It cuts. Cardinal separates this bird from everything that is not cardinal. Smart creates stupid. Me creates not-me. Language is useful because it divides — and limiting for the same reason. We begin living inside the cut: inside one side of a pair, defending it, fearing its opposite, and missing the living whole that was there before the word arrived. That is the dualistic frame this guide is gently breaking.
Labels lock people in — including you
Call your neighbor "stubborn" a few times and you have cast a small spell — not on him, on yourself. Next time you see him, you will see stubborn before you see the man. Maybe he was ready to compromise. You may never give the conversation the chance to find out.
We do the same to ourselves. Say "I'm so stupid" and part of you hears it, believes it, and notices who said it. Speak of yourself one way on Monday and the opposite on Tuesday and your feelings and behavior become confused — you are no longer sure what is true. Fragmented speech makes a fragmented self.
None of this is a reason to feel ashamed. Every adult who learned language built this model. The work is not to punish yourself for having it. The work is to start noticing it, with kindness.
In my own words
Key lines from Wake Me Up, lightly punctuated from the transcript so they read as I spoke them:
“Your voice creates reality. Your voice creates your reality. You can’t contemplate that enough. You can’t believe that and think about the ways that that is true enough.”
“Words are imperfect. They get in the way of our direct experience.”
“They say the first time that you teach a child the word cardinal is the last time that they see the cardinal, the bird. Because every time after that they just go to their lexicon instead of experiencing the moment of cardinal — of this bird in front of them — they just go to the reference image, the clip art.”
“But this is a powerful two-edged sword, because now this word, which allows us to model and understand the world and to interact and so on, stands in between me and the world.”
“Everything that happens to you, all of your experiences pass through this word engine.”
“If you only see a narrow portion of what’s going on, you’re missing opportunities. You’re missing options. And a lot of times that can feel like you’re trapped, but you’re not. You have a narrow perspective because it’s limited. Your perspective is limited. And what’s limiting it? These filters, which a lot of times are words.”
One small practice
Today, take one word — not a mood, not a resolution, a word: difficult, lazy, stupid, broken. Say it by itself. Ask: what does this word divide? What opposite does it create? What was I seeing, hearing, and feeling before this word arrived? You do not have to replace it with a better word. Seeing the cut is the first loosening.
← Back to the guide Next: Step 2 — Judgment is in the word →
A gentle note: this guide shares my experience and is not medical or mental-health advice. If you are struggling, please reach out to a trusted person or professional in your life.